had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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