I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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