Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
