There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
