Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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