winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
