I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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