i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
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I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
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I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch