I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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