You're a womanizer and a bitch.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
