somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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