allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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