That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
