strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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