we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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