I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
