I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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