So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
