Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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