Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize