Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
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Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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