I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
