a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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