I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sorry about my life...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
