Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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