just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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