I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
