she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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