I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
