Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
its not stalking. its research.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
