ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
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I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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