You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
