guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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