OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize