epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If I die, sorry about rent.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
