He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
