drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize