Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
