the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
