it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
