he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
