I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize