so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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