Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
