Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
