she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
