I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I puked a lego.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
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there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
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I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.