you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew