I think I died a long time ago.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
someone owes me an orgasm
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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