He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sober January is a disaster.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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