I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
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I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
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And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.