I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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