I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize