We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
