Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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