I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
