your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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