i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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