the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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