Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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