After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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