Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
