R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
