True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
