i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
